And a doll shall lead them

This is a human:


This is a plastic doll:


The human, a Ukrainian woman named Valeria Lukyanova, has surgically altered herself to look like a doll. Weird, right?

No. This is the weird part (from GQ):

Valeria grows pensive, which in her case means rolling her eyes slightly upward without changing anything else about her face. “I wouldn’t say so. Everyone wants a slim figure. Everyone gets breasts done. Everyone fixes up their face if it’s not ideal, you know? Everyone strives for the golden mean. It’s global now.”

“But that’s a relatively new thing,” I reply. “The ideal of beauty used to be different.”

“That’s because of the race-mixing.”

If I had a glass of multi-chutney carrot-juice mix before me, I’d do a bright orange spit take.

“For example, a Russian marries an Armenian,” Valeria elaborates helpfully. “They have a kid, a cute girl, but she has her dad’s nose. She goes and files it down a little, and it’s all good. Ethnicities are mixing now, so there’s degeneration, and it didn’t used to be like that. Remember how many beautiful women there were in the 1950s and 1960s, without any surgery? And now, thanks to degeneration, we have this. I love the Nordic image myself. I have white skin; I am a Nordic type—perhaps a little Eastern Baltic, but closer to Nordic.”

I feel like checking my watch. We’ve gone from nails to eugenics in about two minutes flat.

I realize that just like everyone reading about Human Barbie, I had had a simple narrative prepared in my head: A small-town girl grows up obsessed with dolls, etc. Instead, I get a racist space alien.

Just let that sink in. The human is real. But the doll has better values.

Here’s a video of the human:

And here’s a video of the doll:

Is it time to give up on humanity?

Stupid is as stupid does: Wear your tutu to work

The GOP in the West is keeping up with the party’s efforts to broaden its base and offer an open tent by offending everyone in sight (from the Spokesman-Review):

Idaho Republican Party leaders are calling on the state Legislature to invalidate local city ordinances that ban discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation — like the one Coeur d’Alene passed after an emotional community debate just two weeks ago.

Six Idaho cities have passed such non-discrimination ordinances in the past year and a half, and a seventh, Idaho Falls, is looking into one now; the Idaho GOP wants them halted. …

Cornel Rasor, a former Bonner County commissioner and chairman of the Idaho GOP’s resolutions committee, said, “I’d hire a gay guy if I thought he was a good worker. But if he comes into work in a tutu … he’s not producing what I want in my office.”

I’ve been working and hiring for a lot of years. So far, no one — straight or gay, male or female — has shown up for work in a tutu. People in Idaho must be kinkier than I thought if it’s happening there.

So how should we react?

Let the skewering begin!

Attack of the clones at the beauty pageant

This is a great photo from the Jezebel blog and the Daily Mail:


Same woman, different outfit, right?


South Korea’s growing obsession with plastic surgery became apparent when pictures of a group of aspiring beauty queens posted online prompted claims that cosmetic procedures have left all the contestants looking the same.

Pictures of the 20 Miss Korea 2013 finalists were posted on Reddit fueling speculation that many of them had undergone surgery and prompting users to criticize the Asian nation’s growing trend to go under the knife.

South Koreans currently have more plastic surgery than in any other country according to recent figures, with the craze particularly popular among 19 to 49-year-olds.

Now that’s impressive. There is an established perspective of beauty here, and already beautiful women are eager to have their faces cut up to achieve this idea of perfection.

Let’s get a better comparison of the contestants:

f82Same eyes, same nose, same mouth.

This reminds me of the Sonmi 451 character in “Cloud Atlas

This is science fiction, and the cloning here creates a series of identical beings, which also removes the concept of individuality. And at a certain point in the movie, Sonmi 451 recognizes the importance of individuality, and leads a revolution.

But here, we’re going in an opposite direction. We see in today’s reality, people are eager to turn themselves into clones. It’s not just in Korea. Plastic surgery is huge business in America. Sometimes people go too far:

Time Machine: Coney Island (1905)

As you all know, Coney Island is the famous amusement park on the southern part of Brooklyn, N.Y. I haven’t been there in years. Probably the last time I went was in the 1970s.

But here’s how it looked in 1905, when Miss Knapp took her boarding school girls there for a day trip.

A couple of things.

1) It’s surprising there weren’t a couple of compound fractures when the girls had to jump off of …?? What was that thing anyway? It wasn’t a car. Maybe it was a bus, but when you have to climb a ladder to get on it, that’s a sign it’s too dangerous to ride on.

2) Bathing suits were really depressing in 1905. It’s like having a cop say “Nothing to see here. Move along.”

3) It didn’t take much to excite people at the amusement park. Roll them around in a big wheel. Put them on a large slide. And run a fake race on fake horses and it’s a perfect day. Can you imagine anyone in 1905 riding on a roller coaster?

Like the Cyclone, the classic wooden coaster at Coney Island that celebrates its 86th year in operation this year:

St. James Court Art Show

The 56th annual St. James Court Art Show is taking place today through Sunday in Louisville. Here’s the view from my front porch:

And here’s another one:

There is a steady parade of people, far more than what I saw last year. And this is supposed to be the slow day.

Here’s a brief description:

The St. James Court Art Show® is a juried fine arts and fine crafts show that hosts an impressive 750 artists from North America. Held in the heart of historic Old Louisville among the country’s largest collection of Victorian homes, the St. James Court Art Show® has for over five decades provided our neighborhood, city and state with a rich cultural and artistic legacy.

It really must be fancy. It has that little “R” with the circle around it.

As I have during the past couple of years, I helped some of the artists set up their tents. Lots of familiar faces. And on Sunday, I’ll help them take their tents down. I’ll plan to walk around the whole show today. Maybe pick up a few items along the way. That is, if I can get through the teeming masses.

There are two annual events in Louisville that draw huge crowds. I will see more people pass in front of my house than the number of people who attend the Kentucky Derby. That’s how big this is.

Good Friday: Don’t believe your eyes

This isn’t what you think it is:

There is a photo of me floating around where I’m standing in a crowd of people dressed just like this. They’re robed, hooded and carrying a cross. If it took place in America, I would be beaten up or dead.

But this isn’t America. This is Spain. And it’s a procession for Holy Week.

I’ve witnessed three processions like this in the village of Sineu, in the center of the island of Mallorca in the Balearic Sea off the east coast of Spain. Tonight, at dark, hundreds of people are going to gather for a procession that depicts the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The outfits, which come in different colors but have the same pointed hood and flowing gown, symbolize the people of Nazareth. The different colors of outfits represent different community organizations. I’ve seen red hoods on blue gowns. Outfits that are all black, yellow or white. I’ve taken a photo surrounded by red and blue cloaked worshipers who were members of the local Red Cross.

Men, women and children will form a parade that will stretch throughout the village. There will be floats with sequential imagery of the crucifixion and the resurrection. A man in the role of Christ will carry a cross.

The procession will pass through the town square in front of the church, then continue to the edge of the village. Residents will have their doors and windows open so people can see inside their houses. At the end, people will break their daylong fast and have a feast that will go well past midnight.

It’s odd. In Spain, the colors indicate the community services you perform for the benefit of your neighbors. In America, the colors symbolize a rank in the promotion of hatred. How did an outfit used by Roman Catholics in Spain for centuries to express their love of God, become bastardized by a bunch of dangerous lunatic Americans who target Catholics, blacks and Jews?

According to the Valencia (Spain) City Guide:

It is a very unfortunate confusion of the imagery. Some people are interested in how the KKK came to use these costumes, so we decided to write a word on that.

It appears that there is no connection whatsoever. The KKK were not in any way affiliated to the Nazareno tradition of Roman Catholic, which has used this costume for many centuries. The costume itself does not carry any message.

They chose it simply for the visual effect. Apart from having a Christian connotation and white colour symbolising white race, the costume makes a ghost-like figure and provides disguise, which is exactly how the KKK wanted to appear. It is possible that some of the more imaginative and intellectual members of the Klan (without pointing fingers), familiar with Easter celebrations in Spain, were inspired by the image this costume would create and suggested it to the Klan’s more moronic members.

The origins of the pointed hat in Spanish tradition are unknown, but the face is covered as a sign of mourning for the death of Christ.

On Easter Sunday the hats are taken off in the jubilation for the resurrection of Jesus.

I wish I could be in Sineu tonight, enjoying the Easter celebration with the villagers and joining in the feast at the end of the parade. If you ever see a photo of me amid a crowd of robed figures in pointed hoods, just know that I’m in Spain with the children of God, not in America with the scum of the Earth.

Florida: a state of insanity

Florida allows people to carry guns on the street and shoot whomever they want without repercussion.

Florida also allows employers to fire employees for no reason. Check out this story about a Deerfield Beach law firm from the Sun-Sentinel in Fort Lauderdale:

For the past few months, some employees have worn orange shirts on pay-day Fridays so they’d look like a group when they went out for happy hour.

This Friday, 14 workers wearing orange shirts were called into a conference room, where an executive said he understood there was a protest involving orange, the employees were wearing orange, and they all were fired.

The executive said anyone wearing orange for an innocent reason should speak up. One employee immediately denied involvement with a protest and explained the happy-hour color.

The executives conferred outside the room, returned and upheld the decision: all fired, said Lou Erik Ambert, 31, of Coconut Creek, a litigation para-legal who said he was terminated.

“There is no office policy against wearing orange shirts. We had no warning. We got no severance, no package, no nothing,” said Ambert. “I feel so violated.”

Florida is a dangerous state filled with lunatics. There is no reason to ever go there. Want to go to Disney? Fly to California.