Enough with Deflategate

This New England Patriots scandal is irrelevant:

It’s that shiny object that shows up to distract us from things that matter. And in the whole cosmic scheme of things, everything matters more than this does.

OK, so the Patriots deflated their balls and it’s illegal.

So why does the NFL let teams supply their own balls? If it’s such a big deal, shouldn’t the league be in charge of the balls?

OK, so the Patriots have cheated in the past.

So why did the NFL punishment for those incidents have all the impact of a mosquito biting a sperm whale? The Pats still make the playoffs and still end up in the Super Bowl.

OK, so the cheating in a playoff game allowed them to get into the most recent Super Bowl.

So if that’s the case, strip the Patriots of their Super Bowl title. If the NFL isn’t going to do that, shut up already! As far as the league is concerned, it pays to be a cheat (and a wife beater, and a.

And Deflategate is a stupid name. The -gate suffix is now a cliche. Call it something daring, like “Ballbusting.”

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At least the New York tabloids know what to call it.

Our family values story for the day

From the Chattanooga Times Free Press:

The Tennessee Republican congressman who supported his ex-wife’s decision to get two abortions was among those who voted in favor of a ban on most late-term abortions.

Republican U.S. Rep. Scott DesJarlais, a Jasper physician, was one of 242 House members who voted Wednesday to pass the bill, which forbids most abortions starting with the 20th week of pregnancy.

“Congressman DesJarlais was proud to vote in favor of this legislation,” said his spokesman Robert Jameson, who added that DesJarlais has maintained a “100 percent pro-life voting record” during his five years in Congress and “has always advocated for pro-life values.”

DesJarlais’ support of his ex-wife’s abortions, which occurred before their 1995 marriage, was revealed after his 2012 re-election to Congress in a divorce trial transcript. The transcript also showed the physician had engaged in multiple affairs with patients, and pressured one of them to get an abortion after she told him she was pregnant. The outcome of that pregnancy is unknown.

People complain about government malfunction in Washington, but they keep electing hypocrites like this. The problem isn’t in Washington, it’s with the voters sending these kinds of people to Washington.

 

Where the nitrogen wind goes sweeping down the plains

This is going to end badly.

On Friday, Oklahoma governor Mary Fallin signed a bill that allows the state to execute inmates using nitrogen gas in the event that traditional lethal injection drugs are unavailable. The use of nitrogen gas, which induces hypoxia, has never been tested on humans, but supporters maintain that the method is both humane and painless.

Let’s try a method of execution that’s never been tested before. I mean, what could go wrong?

There is something called nitrogen narcosis, which affects scuba divers and involves pressurized the pressurized inert gas.

1. Emotional Effects of Narcosis on Divers:

Depending upon the diver and the dive environment, narcosis may cause a diver to feel either positive, euphoric emotions or negative, stressful emotions. Both scenarios are dangerous.

A diver feeling overly relaxed and happy may fail to react appropriately to a dangerous situation because he feels that everything is fine. An example is a euphoric diver who notices that he has exceeded his tank reserve pressure, but decides to continue diving because he feels great and therefore isn’t worried about running out of air.

A diver who experiences feelings of dread or stress may perceive problems which do not exist or may react inappropriately to those that do. An example is a stressed diver who notices that he has reached his tank reserve pressure. He panics, inflates his buoyancy compensator, and rockets to the surface because he is afraid that he will run out of air if he makes a normal controlled descent, even though he has more than sufficient air to do so.

2. Narcosis Slows and Impairs Mental Abilities:

Narcosis affects a diver’s ability to reason, evaluate situations, decide on appropriate courses of action, and recall information. Narcosis also slows a diver’s thinking and reaction times. In effect, a diver experiencing narcosis thinks less clearly and more slowly than he normally does.

Foggy thinking and reasoning underwater is dangerous. Even normal situations can lead to potential disasters as a diver’s mental abilities decline. As an example, a diver who is negatively buoyant may fail to inflate his buoyancy compensator because he doesn’t recognize the problem (failing to evaluate the situation). Or, he may try to compensate for negative buoyancy by kicking himself up (failing to decide on an appropriate course of action).

I have no idea what happens when a person is confined to a room that’s only supplying nitrogen, but since this has never been tested on humans as a form of execution, it seems the possibilities are that:

1) Witnesses to the execution will watch a guy laughing his ass off before he collapses and dies, or …

2) Witnesses to the execution will watch a guy screaming his head off before he collapses and dies.

I think I would have nightmares forever if I ever saw that. Oklahoma is not OK.

Police procedure: The Arizona way

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There’s a line the the movie “The Untouchables” in which Sean Connery, the crusty cop, explains to Kevin Costner, the untouchable Eliot Ness, the rules of war:

You wanna know how to get Capone? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. *That’s* the *Chicago* way!

Can you imagine, with that logic, what cops would do if a guy actually pulled a gun?

Nope. There’s no way I would have ever imagined that. And that was in Arizona, not Chicago.