And a doll shall lead them

This is a human:

human-barbie-doll-gq-magazine-april-2014-women-photos-01

This is a plastic doll:

x9076_BARBIE-I-CAN-BE-Magician-Doll_XXX

The human, a Ukrainian woman named Valeria Lukyanova, has surgically altered herself to look like a doll. Weird, right?

No. This is the weird part (from GQ):

Valeria grows pensive, which in her case means rolling her eyes slightly upward without changing anything else about her face. “I wouldn’t say so. Everyone wants a slim figure. Everyone gets breasts done. Everyone fixes up their face if it’s not ideal, you know? Everyone strives for the golden mean. It’s global now.”

“But that’s a relatively new thing,” I reply. “The ideal of beauty used to be different.”

“That’s because of the race-mixing.”

If I had a glass of multi-chutney carrot-juice mix before me, I’d do a bright orange spit take.

“For example, a Russian marries an Armenian,” Valeria elaborates helpfully. “They have a kid, a cute girl, but she has her dad’s nose. She goes and files it down a little, and it’s all good. Ethnicities are mixing now, so there’s degeneration, and it didn’t used to be like that. Remember how many beautiful women there were in the 1950s and 1960s, without any surgery? And now, thanks to degeneration, we have this. I love the Nordic image myself. I have white skin; I am a Nordic type—perhaps a little Eastern Baltic, but closer to Nordic.”

I feel like checking my watch. We’ve gone from nails to eugenics in about two minutes flat.

I realize that just like everyone reading about Human Barbie, I had had a simple narrative prepared in my head: A small-town girl grows up obsessed with dolls, etc. Instead, I get a racist space alien.

Just let that sink in. The human is real. But the doll has better values.

Here’s a video of the human:

And here’s a video of the doll:

Is it time to give up on humanity?

This year’s three-point star: Shoni Schimmel

The University of Louisville’s basketball season is over. But here’s a last second highlight.

Way to go Shoni. Luke Hancock also participated in this. He got knocked out in the first round of the men’s competition.

Interesting though how Louisville’s basketball season ended. In both matches, the teams’ best players — Russ Smith and Shoni Schimmel — needed to make a three-pointer late in the game to give the team a chance at sending it into overtime. And in both games, they missed.

But neither of them should be blamed for the losses. Had their teammates made any contribution to the effort (I’m looking at you Stephan Van Trese and Bria Smith with a big fat 0 in the box score), I would be holed up this weekend in my apartment watching more games. Now, I’ll just look at reruns from last season. (Aaaaahhhhh. Baylor!  Ooooooohhhh. Michigan!)

2014: The year of Scarlett Johansson

It looks like Scarlett Johansson is becoming the superhero of 2014. She’s in the new Captain America movie:

She’s a space alien in “Under the Skin”:

And this summer, she’s going to be some kind of super smart, strong, deadly character in Luc Besson’s “Lucy”:

That’s three movies to look forward to in the coming months.

Lost and found Cardinals: Women’s basketball lives

Tough loss in Hoosierville last night. The University of Louisville’s men’s basketball team lost to The University of Kentucky in a rough game that left both teams bruised and battered. We saw at least one broken ankle (Kentucky) and one broken nose (Louisville).

It’s the end of the Russ Smith/Luke Hancock era, which has seen two final fours and one National Championship.

Now that the season’s over, what’s a basketball fan to do?

ncaa-louisville-baylor-basketball.jpeg14-1280x960

CHILL OUT: WE’VE GOT THIS!

Oh, right, the Shoni and Jude (and Antonita and Sara and Bria and Asia and Tia, and Megan) show is in town. More basketball at the Yum Center just down the road. And of course, I’ve got tickets!

GO CARDS!!!

Shoni and Jude and Native American Appreciation Night in Louisville

I’m headed to the Yum Center tonight to watch the Louisville Cardinals women’s basketball team (ranked No. 3 in the nation) take on the No. 1 UConn Huskies. This is a huge game that will determine rankings for the NCAA Women’s Tournament. No matter what happens, UConn will be a No. 1 seed in the regionals. And no matter what happens, Louisville, which won’t be knocked out in the early rounds, will be playing in the regional championships in Louisville.

9768216

Louisville coach Jeff Walz with guards (from left) Tia Gibbs, Jude Schimmel and Shoni Schimmel.

If Louisville wins, it will be the No. 1 seed in the regionals in Louisville, while UConn would likely be the No. 1 seed in Lincoln, Neb. If Louisville loses, UConn would get the No. 1 seed at Louisville, while the Cards would be the No. 2 seed.

So tonight’s a pretty important game.

Add to that it’s a special night for Louisville players Shoni and Jude Schimmel, sisters who grew up on the Confederated Tribes of the Umatilla Indian Reservation in eastern Oregon:

The game is also Native American Appreciation Night, to honor some of Louisville’s most dedicated fans.

It’s Native American night because it’s Senior Night in Louisville and the last regular season home game Shoni, a senior, will play for the Cards. Jude’s a junior and will be back next year, but Shoni is a superstar in women’s basketball, and the sisters are treated as heroes among the Native population. If you’ve followed women’s college basketball at all this year, you know that members of tribes across the country have attended home and road games wherever the sisters play.

Here’s a clip from the documentary “Off the Rez” that shows how important the sisters are to the Indian community:

According to Indian Country Today, Shoni is:

… one of only a few Native American female basketball players in the college ranks, yet she says growing up on the Confederated Tribes of the Umatilla Indian Reservation in eastern Oregon (Cayuse, Umatilla, Walla Walla) provided her with the best possible basketball apprenticeship one could ask for. “There’s so many Native Americans that coulda-shoulda-woulda but didn’t do anything,” she said. “It’s almost sickening how much talent is (on the reservation),” she told the Courier-Journal.  “I am very proud of who I am and where I came from, but I wanted to be one of the ones that made it out. My job is to play basketball, and I love doing it.”

It’s a huge game for Native Americans. It’s a huge game for Louisville Women’s basketball, which lost in last years NCAA final to UConn. And it’s a huge game in women’s sports.

Of course, I’m going to go. I got my tickets months ago.