Cute today … lunch tomorrow

Way back in the early 1970s, there was a Pepsi commercial that was generally seen as one of the cutest, most heart-warming television ads ever …

… and the first thing I thought back then was, “Wow, I don’t want to be that kid with those dogs in five years.”

The thing that brought that commercial back to mind was this cute, heart-warming story I saw today from Russian television …

… and all I can think is, “Wow, I don’t want to be that dog with those tigers in five years.”

Yeah, yeah … I know. How dare I think that animals would want to eat something that nurtured them when they were small. The dogs like the kid and would never gang up and bite him. The abandoned tiger cubs love their dog mother and would never consider her a nutritional substitute for wildebeest.

Then I saw this …

Yeah, yeah … I know. This story was amazingly overplayed. If you had just seen the headlines, you’d have thought the Sea World dolphin had ripped the girl’s arm off and dragged it down to the bottom of the pool. As you can tell from the video, the bite isn’t really that bad. That’s amazing restraint on the part of the dolphin. Remember the killer whale that drowned its trainer back in 2010? That happened at the same Sea World.

Look, the kid and the parents should have been paying attention to their surroundings … the dolphins sure were. I mean, what do dolphins want from humans other than fish? You read “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” didn’t you?

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Sea World tells you that when you’re feeding the dolphins, don’t wave a plate full of fish in front of them. There’s a reason they give that warning. Dolphins go for the fish because “THEY’RE HUNGRY!” I’m sure this has happened before, but news has been slow since the election, and when there aren’t any shark attacks, this is the next best thing.

So remember … dolphins bite, dogs maul and tigers rip to shreds.

Cute can get ugly really fast.

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