Business Insider has put together a map ranking wine consumption by state. Here are the results:

OK. That looks like New Hampshire is the winner, but it’s not.

The winner is Washington, D.C. So this chart tells me that the District of Columbia gets so drunk, it thinks it’s a state.

Meanwhile, let’s look at the biggest wine consumers in the world:

All right, wild guess. That looks like France leads the way. Of course, I’m wrong again:

Vatican City? Well, OK, yeah, that’s a country, and a not very sober one, but in a place with only 800 people, I’m sure the wine industry isn’t running special ads to get more Vaticaners (is that what you call a resident of The Vatican?) to buy more wine before it’s time.

And Andorra? Isn’t that like a suburb of France and Spain?