Long live the New York Daily News: the Ted Cruz edition

Remember during the GOP presidential debates when Ted Cruz (R-Douchebag) talked about “New York values” and how the state sucked along with everyone in it?


Here you go:

So, guess what! The New York primary is coming up. And a certain Ted Cruz (R-Asshole) kind of needs to make a decent showing in New York if he’s going to stop Donald Trump (R-Whackjob) from getting a boatload of delegates before the GOP convention happens.

In the typical “Republicans discover The Bronx every four years to be filmed with poor people” campaign move, Ted Cruz (R-Dipshit) went to The Bronx to be filmed with poor people.

Want to know how that went?

Ted Cruz got the Bronx cheer Wednesday from angry New Yorkers upset over the Republican presidential candidate’s callous “New York values” crack and his harsh stance on immigration.

Cruz was crucified during a stop in the Bronx, where residents and elected leaders derided him for insulting the city and the borough, only to come crawling back begging for money and votes.

So the best thing to do is to get out of town and go upstate, where everybody hates the Big Apple (I never can figure out why Republicans running for president think they can connect with poor people in the city. They should just spend their time upstate, because they’ll get donations from rich Wall Streeters anyway.).

Any parting words for Ted Cruz (R-Fuckface) from the city’s premier tabloid?


(As one who grew up in Brooklyn, I have strong feelings about New York values. I’m for them.)


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