You have been warned, Florida man

This is probably the best warning sign ever (from Mock, Paper, Scissors):


And I’m positive that there is someone, somewhere who is stupid enough to do what this sign says not to do.

You usually see it in a story beginning: “Florida man …” Consider this compilation from Esquire for 2015.

January 2: Florida Man Covers Himself in Ashes, Says He’s a 400-Year-Old Indian, Crashes Stolen Car

January 5: Florida Man Puts Dragon Lizard in His Mouth, Smacks People with It

January 27: Florida Man Steals $4,000 Worth of Chicken and Ribs

February 3: Florida Man Who Had Sex with Dolphin Says It Seduced Him

February 3: Florida Man Killed 5 Gators, Ate Them for Super Bowl Dinner

February 15: Florida Man Believes Wrestling Event Is Haunted by the Ghost of Macho Man Randy Savage

February 25: Florida Man Appears to Vape His Friend’s Ejaculate

March 3: Florida Man Goes on LSD-Fueled Naked Rampage, Bites Girlfriend’s Finger

March 11: Drunk, Machete-Wielding Florida Man Chases Neighbor on Lawnmower

March 11: Florida Man’s Church Loses Tax-Exempt Status Because It’s Just a Nightclub

March 20: Florida Man Tries to Sell 3 Iguanas Taped to His Bike to Passersby as Dinner

March 23: Florida Man on Bath Salts Head-Butts Car, Slaps Fire Chief

March 25: Drunk, High Florida Men Post Video to Facebook of Themselves Driving Around at 3 AM with Wounded, Possibly Endangered Owl

April 13: Florida Man Impersonating a Police Officer Pulls Over Real Cops

April 13: Florida Man Advertises “Legit Counterfeit $$” on Craigslist, Is Arrested

April 15: Florida Man Lands Gyrocopter on Capitol Lawn to Demand Campaign Finance Reform, Is Arrested

April 22: Florida Man Bitten By Snake That Friends Say He Enjoyed Kissing

April 30: Florida Man High on Meth Jumps on Strangers’ Cars, Surfs Them

May 15: Florida Man Interested in Getting Tased Runs Through Airport in Underwear Waiving Nunchucks

See? And that’s less than half a year. Go to Esquire for the rest.


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