Well, this came out of nowhere:
Turns out that people with a lot of face makeup and bizarre, billowy hair aren’t just frightening America from debate podiums.
Creepy clowns, the ones with squirting flowers — not flags — on their lapels, are becoming a scourge across the country.
From Virginia to Florida to Ohio, police are getting calls about threatening men dressed up as clowns luring children into the woods with money, running around with machetes, pipes, knives or even guns and generally scaring the bejesus out of everybody.
OK, weird, but is it really a national concern?
During a news conference, a Bloomberg reporter asked White House press secretary Josh Earnest if President Obama was aware of the clown reports and associated arrests. Earnest said he did not know if the president had been briefed on creepy clowns, and deferring to the FBI and Department of Homeland Security on the jester specifics.
What’s going on with this clown obsession? The clowns of my childhood weren’t scary. They were happy, like this guy:
HOLY CRAP! THAT’S A CREEPY LOOKING DUDE!
Did I completely miss that 50 years ago? In my mind, back then, if Bozo showed up in a van and offered candy to get in, I’d have gone for the candy. I mean, what if there was candy in the van?
I was cool with clowns until this guy showed up:
This is Pogo the Clown, better know as John Wayne Gacy. Back in the 1970s, he killed 33 teenage boys and young men in Illinois. One of his lures was “the handcuff trick.” You can figure out what that was, and that it wasn’t a good idea to let him do that to you. But we don’t have to worry about him anymore. He was executed in 1994.
By the time Stephen King released “It,” his killer clown story, in the mid-’80s, I realized that a lot of the greasepaint guys and gals were creepy.
Then clown porn came along the whole clown concept was over as far as I was concerned.
Anyway, King is telling us to relax:
But, really, why is everyone freaking out over clowns in 2016? What has happened on the national scene that has gotten people so upset they’re spotting dangerous clowns all over the country?
Now you understand. It’s Freudian, but it’s true.
Meanwhile, I’m reposting my favorite creepy clown video:
Now that’s a clown that’ll give you nightmares.