The names of the 2016 election

Via John Oliver:

In the meantime, I’ve referred to the Republican presidential candidate as:

The sexual predatory pumpkin
The bogus billionaire blob
The billionaire hemorrhoid
The crimson dumpster fire
The GOP’s foot-in-mouth patient
The man with the hands of the Seven Dwarfs
The crimson doofus
The guy with the muppet on his head
The thin skinned kumquat
The cinnamon dipshit
The entitled orange beauty pageant peeper
The bloviated babyman
The ADHD poster boy
The fruit-fly infested withered tangerine
The tiny fingered girl groper
The ADHD pumpkin
The chinchilla coiffed megaturd
The dwarf fingered kitty grabber
The orange knuckledragger
The peeping Tom pedophile
The rotting Halloween Trumpkin
A vat of oozing puss
A rabid beige tribble
The Republican candidate for president of Dante’s Second Circle of Hell
The crimson harasser
The taupe groper
The taupe satyr
The billionaire used condom
Chester the Molester
A certain anthropromorphic pile of cow manure
This year’s Larry “Lonesome” Rhodes
The KKK’s poster boy
The loud-mouthed New Yorker with Davy Crockett’s coonskin cap grafted on his skull
An egomaniacal mass of maggot infested pumpkin innards
America’s favorite train wreck
Baron Harkonnen
Mr. Gag Reflex
The pagan egomaniac
Schrödinger’s liar
The festering boil on a rabid elephant’s ass
The faux billionaire turd muncher
The thrice married model for the Hairclub for Men
The red menace
The ochre weasel
The neon peacock
The suit filled with pumpkins
Everybody’s favorite huckster
237 pound ball of toupeed ear wax
The soulless yam
The human traffic cone
The nuck fugget
The pseudo psycho heartbreak of psoriasis
Mr. Make America Crap Again
The Trumpnugget
The ferret covered sweet potato
Mr. Tangerine man
A megalomaniacal yam
The reason why Melania has an “I’m with stupid” T-shirt
The mango tango combover
Mr. Marmalade
Scrooge McDuck’s nephew
Mr. Make America Hate Again
The skid mark in an IBS sufferers underwear
The  human urinal cake
A habitually lying. moldy, worm-infested tangerine
The Trumbicile
The sulfur sewage plant
Rosemary’s baby’s afterbirth
The cinnamon dipstick
The crimson-haired Joker
The pseudo-psychiatrist mucus-based tangerine life form
A rust-colored ball of gas posing as a human
Yosemite Sam’s anger management therapist
Elmer Fudd’s illegitimate nephew with Tourette syndrome
The GOP’s annoying orange
The tiny-fingered, faux billionaire tax avoider
The autofellating cinnamon Mussolini
The horny goat with an orangutan perm
The dictator with the disco beat

(Somewhere along the line, I might have also said some bad things about him.)

Others have referred to him as:

The flatulent butternut squash
A Dick-waving Berlusconi knockoff
A Melted-candle-assed motherfucker.
America’s wealthiest hemorrhoid
A disgusting neon pig
The Republican Party’s ill-fitting suit filled with chickens come home to roost
The mangled apricot hellbeast
A Touped fucktrumpet
A Cheetos-Faced ferret wearing shitgibbon
A Witless fucking cocksplat

But let’s be clear. The election is tomorrow. The name of the GOP candidate for president is Donald J. Trump. The “J” stands for Jagoff.

Remember that when you’re casting your vote.

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