This is how Republicans would respond (from the Guardian):
The New York Times:
Breaking news: in an eerie echo of Donald Trump’s infamous campaign trail remark – “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters” – many witnesses report, and CCTV footage obtained by the Times confirms, that early this morning the president drew a handgun on his former lawyer Michael Cohen and shot him dead on a street in midtown Manhattan.
House speaker Paul Ryan:
“If these reports are true – I emphasize IF – then yes, I’m very concerned. I don’t think the president should be killing people in broad daylight in front of Tiffany’s. But I’m not a legal expert, I could be wrong.”
White House press secretary Sarah Sanders:
Associated Press: “Ms Sanders, did the president shoot his former lawyer in an effort to stop him from testifying against the president?”
Sarah Sanders: “No, he did not.”
AP: “Are you saying that the shooting was not motivated by Mr Cohen’s recent plea deal, or rather that the president did not shoot him?”
SHS: “You’ve got my answer, Jim. No, no, no.”
AP: “Ms Sanders, I’m still not clear what –”
SHS: “The answer is no. No as in no. N. O. It’s these kinds of questions that have turned the American people against the press.”
Anderson Cooper: “We’re seeing incredible images here. The president being taken into custody. Kellyanne, what can you tell us?”
Kellyanne Conway: “I’m not going to comment on rumors, Anderson.”
AC: “Kellyanne, these are not rumors. The president has handcuffs around his wrists. You’re seeing the same footage we are.”
KC: “You’re free to see things your way. I have an alternative perception.”
AC: “But how can you possibly –”
KC: “Let’s agree to disagree, Anderson!”
Senator Mitch McConnell:
“People die every day in this country. I’m not going to let myself get sidetracked by these distractions.”
Tweet from @realDonaldTrump:
“Back from GREAT chat with members of NYPD–the finest! Brand new police station. Very NICE. They want a wall too. Was NEVER taken into custody. FAKE NEWS cooked up by Crooked Hillary and FAILING NYT and CONFLICTED Mueller! Keep our borders strong – JUST SAY NO to murdering and raping Mexicans.”
Rudy Giuliani, president’s attorney:
“Let’s get our facts straight. The president was never taken into custody except for maybe around six hours. He has not been charged with murder and won’t be charged with murder because murder isn’t always murder. The constitution is very clear on this: charging the president with a crime is a crime.”
White House press briefing points:
“First of all, the president was not in Manhattan at the time of the shooting. Second, he was watching TV on the 26th floor of Trump Tower when the shots were fired. Third, while he didn’t have the opportunity to save the students at the Parkland school, this time the president was able to rush into a busy city street and thereby save dozens of lives from a distraught and possibly deranged lawyer.”
Words on Target umbrella held by Melania Trump, first lady:
“I really do care.”™
Homeland security secretary Kirstjen Nielsen:
“At this moment I can confirm that one of the alleged eyewitnesses to the shooting is a tourist from Mexico. Certainly we need to ask what a tourist from Mexico was doing in front of Tiffany’s at the time of this alleged incident. Now can I please eat my taco in peace?”
Alex Jones, Infowars:
“What I want to know is why hasn’t anyone mentioned that Chuck Schumer and Hillary Clinton were NOWHERE to be seen at the time of the shooting? Are you telling me that’s mere coincidence? C’mon! And why haven’t the NYPD and the DEEP STATE FBI looked into this? What else aren’t they looking into?”
“What about the thousands of bills that Chuck Schumer has killed? What about Hillary’s murder of Vince Foster? And the Democrats dare talk about justice?”
“I never said the president couldn’t kill in broad daylight. I just said I hope the president stays focused on all the great things we’re doing for the American people.”
Tweet from @realDonaldTrump:
“Michael Cohen said he would take a bullet for me. So NO MURDER! And NO COLLUSION!! WITCH HUNTS! Worse than SALEM!!! Never should have let CRIMINAL Comey (lousy writer to! book sales DOWN!) talk me out of executing KILLIN’ Hillary…”
Tweet from @realDonaldTrump:
“…and JIHAD Brennan and LEPRECHAUN Sessions. FAKE NEWS hates Trump because I built a Beautiful Wall. And brought PEACE to England! Now I’m PARDONING myself for NO CRIME! Also pardoning…”
Tweet from @realDonaldTrump:
“…extended family, all former campaign managers, present and future cabinet members. MAGA! #DraintheSwamp”
You’ve seen the constant tributes and the incessant hagiography following his death, but I can’t let this pass.
He thought it was a good idea to put an incompetent Alaskan airhead in the No. 2 spot of his presidential bid, legitimizing to the mouth-breathing idiot base of his political party that morons should be handed the levers of unrivaled power.
And once you can absorb that, you understand that’s why we now have Spanky and his criminal gang laying waste to everything this country used to stand for.
My mom told me not to speak ill of the dead. But don’t make them out to be saints when they paved the way for the worst sinners.
Sometimes the world’s greatest wisdom is found on a T-shirt:
Here’s Mayor Vaughn in “Jaws”:
A vile cretin who created a Fourth of July buffet of humans for sharks, because the interests of business was more important than children’s lives.
And he’s still in office in Jaws 2.
This is why you vote in November. The GOP is full of sharks. You need to elect someone whose going to get rid of them.
The National Enquirer kept a safe containing documents on hush money payments and other damaging stories it killed as part of its cozy relationship with Donald Trump leading up to the 2016 presidential election, people familiar with the arrangement told The Associated Press.
The detail came as several media outlets reported on Thursday that federal prosecutors had granted immunity to National Enquirer chief David Pecker, potentially laying bare his efforts to protect his longtime friend Trump.
Of course Pussygrabber would ne in cahoots with a guy named Pecker. But didn’t he get the message on flipping:
Spanky just doesn’t get the quality flunkies anymore.
The korrupt, krimson kleptomaniac got in touch with his inner Al Capone with one of his favorite propagandists on Fox News. Here’s the part of the interview where he thought it was smart to freestyle:
[O]ne of the reasons I respect Paul Manafort so much is he went through that trial — you know they make up stories. People make up stories. This whole thing about flipping, they call it, I know all about flipping. For 30, 40 years I’ve been watching flippers. Everything’s wonderful and then they get 10 years in jail and they — they flip on whoever the next highest one is, or as high as you can go.
It — it almost ought to be outlawed. It’s not fair. Because if somebody’s going to give — spend five years like Michael Cohen or 10 years or 15 years in jail because of a taxi cab industry, because he defrauded some bank — the last two were the tiny ones. You know, campaign violations are considered not a big deal, frankly. But if somebody defrauded a bank and he’s going to get 10 years in jail or 20 years in jail but if you can say something bad about Donald Trump and you’ll go down to two years or three years, which is the deal he made.
In all fairness to him, most people are going to do that, and I’ve seen it many times. I’ve had many friends involved in this stuff. It’s called flipping and it almost ought to be illegal.
You get 10 years in jail, but if you say bad things about somebody — in other words, make up stories if you don’t know. Make up they just make up lies. … They make up lies. I’ve seen it many times.
OK, did you see that? Pussygrabber says that it should be illegal for one criminal to turn evidence against another criminal for a lesser sentence. That’s been the foundation for prosecuting mobsters for, like, FOREVER!
And Spanky’s got “many friends involved in this stuff.” Considering his career is based in New York real estate, which is heavily mob influenced, doesn’t that make you wonder which crime families these “friends” belonged to?
This is the essence of Babyman:
At 8 p.m. yesterday, this was what the Washington Post had on its Web page:
Corrupt lawyers. Campaign leaders convicted. Administration officials hosting white supremacists. And even law breaking spouses.
You have to treat the Republican Party like a campfire:
Drown it. Stir the ashes. Drown it again.
Because America’s the forest, and these idiots are trying to burn it to the ground.
(And while you’re at it, piss on the ashes.)