What’s so bad about the Bird?

A recent retirement amid the NBA Playoffs:

Larry Bird made the decision last year.

After nearly 40 years in the NBA, he had started plotting an exit strategy.

The 60-year-old Hall-of-Famer finally told the rest of the world Monday: He was stepping down as Indiana’s president of basketball operations, turning the reins over to Kevin Pritchard and staying in the Pacers organization as a scout and consultant.

“Maybe when I turn 70, I’ll come back,” Bird joked. “But right now, my wife is happy. She’s been on this run since I was a sophomore in college.”

Inside the brain of the annoying orange

 President Hookerpiss met with China’s president last week. I’m sure he left a lasting impression. From the Wall Street Journal:

“I told him, I said, ‘You know we’re not going to let that [current trade deficit] go ahead,’ ” Mr. Trump said of his meeting last week with Mr. Xi. He added he told Mr. Xi: “ ‘But you want to make a great deal? Solve the problem in North Korea.’ That’s worth having deficits. And that’s worth having not as good a trade deal as I would normally be able to make.”
[…]
He said they hit it off during their first discussion. Mr. Trump said he told his Chinese counterpart he believed Beijing could easily take care of the North Korea threat. Mr. Xi then explained the history of China and Korea, Mr. Trump said.

“After listening for 10 minutes, I realized it’s not so easy,” Mr. Trump recounted. “I felt pretty strongly that they had a tremendous power” over North Korea,” he said. “But it’s not what you would think.”

Look, crimson crotchface. It’s exactly what I would think. It’s exactly what anyone who has an attention span longer than a fruit fly would think. North Korea isn’t a subsidiary of China. It’s the crazy neighbor with the meth lab in the kitchen.

And then there’s this recollection by El Douché in an interview with Fox:

I was sitting at the table.  We had finished dinner.  We’re now having dessert.  And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen and President Xi was enjoying it. …

So what happens is I said we’ve just launched 59 missiles heading to Iraq and I wanted you to know this. And he was eating his cake. And he was silent. …

We’re almost finished and I — what does he do, finish his dessert and go home and then they say, you know, the guy you just had dinner with just attacked a country?

What the hell is this obsession with cake and desert?

I get the feeling that every world leader who’s met with this guy leaves the room thinking this:

Nice ad. Bad idea.

I never look at ads that run before YouTube videos, but as I was checking one out on a dog using an automatic tennis ball thrower (to be posted at a future date)  I saw this:

It’s an elaborate ad for Lyft, and as I sat mesmerized by it I wondered:

Why is that old lady driving in the snow! Doesn’t she know she’ll get in an accident and could die?

And then she gets in an accident. But Lyft gives us a happy ending. But I’m still thinking: “If this was real life, she would have died.”

So, Lyft. DON’T ENCOURAGE OLD PEOPLE TO DRIVE IN THE SNOW!!!!

Colbert on the Trump news conference

I watched the press conference and read the transcript and can honestly say Stephen Colbert isn’t even close to the magnitude of crazy that was the Lügenduck. It really was more like this:

gkr542vI’ve been watching press conferences for more than 50 years, and this was the first time I was absolutely sure that the Secret Service needed to bring out a straightjacket and carry that lunatic off the stage.

But the reaction of the pump truppets?

17-metro2That’s the New York Post. It’s owned by illegal immigrant and virgin-blood sucker Rupert Murdoch. The truppets loved it.