Kicking a competitor while it’s down

Actually, my headline is unfair. Because United kicks passengers while they’re down.

And it’s really not a Southwest ad. It’s just a mockup by a jokester. Kind of like this one:

And this one:

But this is all deserved, because the United CEO started the day in pure douchebag mode:

And as we all know, this message to the staff was bullshit, because we’ve all seen the video. Wall Street thought so, too:

And in a capitalist society, what Wall Street say carries a lot more weight than what paying passengers say. Here’s the second attempt at a United apology:

Statement from United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz on United Express Flight 3411

April 11, 2017

The truly horrific event that occurred on this flight has elicited many responses from all of us: outrage, anger, disappointment. I share all of those sentiments, and one above all: my deepest apologies for what happened. Like you, I continue to be disturbed by what happened on this flight and I deeply apologize to the customer forcibly removed and to all the customers aboard. No one should ever be mistreated this way.  

I want you to know that we take full responsibility and we will work to make it right.  

It’s never too late to do the right thing. I have committed to our customers and our employees that we are going to fix what’s broken so this never happens again. This will include a thorough review of crew movement, our policies for incentivizing volunteers in these situations, how we handle oversold situations and an examination of how we partner with airport authorities and local law enforcement. We’ll communicate the results of our review by April 30th. 

I promise you we will do better. 

Sincerely,

Oscar 

Too late, buddy. This is what you should have said before the plane left Chicago.

Never fly United Airlines. It beats up passengers.

This is how United Airlines gets passengers to “volunteer” to leave an overbooked plane:

That’s a movie. This is what happened in real life (from the Louisville Courier Journal):

Social media was on fire Monday after a video showed the type of hair-raising drama that you’d only expect to see in a horror film.

There was blood, screaming and gasps of disbelief. But this wasn’t fiction — this was a man being dragged off of a United plane at Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport before the flight took off for Louisville.

As the Courier-Journal originally reported, a 31-second video posted on Facebook by Audra D. Bridges on Sunday night shows three men wearing radio equipment and security jackets speaking with a passenger seated on the plane. After a few seconds, one of the men grabs the passenger, who screams, and drags him by his arms toward the front of the plane.

And what exactly did the passenger do?

“Flight 3411 from Chicago to Louisville was overbooked,” the {United} spokesperson said. “After our team looked for volunteers, one customer refused to leave the aircraft voluntarily and law enforcement was asked to come to the gate.

Excuse me, but do these fuckers know what “volunteer” means? Let me help them:

Definition of volunteer

  1. 1:  a person who voluntarily undertakes or expresses a willingness to undertake a service: such as

    a :  one who enters into military service voluntarily

    b (1) :  one who renders a service or takes part in a transaction while having no legal concern or interest (2) :  one who receives a conveyance or transfer of property without giving valuable consideration

Just to be clear, this is the video of the incident:

Why do I feel like this is what you should expect in a country led by a dwarf-digited dipshit? Corporations take your money, then throw you off a flight after you’ve taken your seat, because they “volunteered” you to deplane. And let’s be honest. The passenger is Asian. Do you honestly think these stormtroopers would have done this to a white guy?

Here’s the response from United’s CEO:

Let me catch my breath:

  1. United is upset? How do you thing the passenger your goons beat up feels?
  2. Re-accommodate? Is that the new euphemism for “kick the shit out of”?
  3. Our own detailed review of what happened? Look at the video!
  4. Reaching out to this passenger? Why? So you can slap him around again?
  5. Resolve this situation? Just give him a couple of million dollars right now, because you’re going to lose a hell of a lot more when he sues your ass.

If you want passengers to leave a plane, offer them vouchers. If no one takes it, offer more vouchers. If no one takes that, OFFER MORE VOUCHERS, AND A MEAL, AND A FREE HOTEL STAY!

Think what would have happened even if you had to offer as much as $3,000 in vouchers. Lots of people would have waited for the next flight, and it would have cost you a hell of a lot less than the lawsuit you’re going to lose and the bad publicity you’ve already gotten.

Because, as a regular flying passenger, as a result of this, I’m never again going to get on a United Airlines plane.

It was obvious the Lügenkarotte was going to screw over Mitt Romney

trump-romney-twI’m sure Mitt Romney remembers during the 2016 campaign that he said the double chinned, stub fingered, billionaire hemorrhoid was unfit to be president.

Plus, it was obvious that said anal fissure dangled the secretary of state job in front of Romney to see him grovel, so he could later humiliate him before the entire country by selecting someone totally unqualified for the job.

President-elect Donald Trump is expected to nominate Exxon Mobil Corp. Chief Executive Rex Tillerson to be secretary of state, a transition official said Saturday, a selection that would reach outside the traditional foreign policy establishment to elevate a global business deal-maker. …

Among those considered for the post, Mr. Tillerson has perhaps the closest ties to Russian President Vladimir Putin, having negotiated a 2011 energy partnership deal with Russia that Mr. Putin said could eventually be worth as much as $500 billion. In 2012, the Kremlin bestowed the country’s Order of Friendship decoration on Mr. Tillerson.

So, in business jargon, “closest ties to Putin” means Tillerson groveled before the Russian leader, just as he groveled to the guy Putin put in charge of the United States.

And I think that shit-eating grin in the above picture shows he knew what he was going to do to Romney, because, as the pope would describe it, Lügenkarotte indulges in coprophagia.

The Lügenorange hits the jackpot

What the fuck!

Donald Trump will remain an exec producer on NBC’s “Celebrity Apprentice,” which is returning Jan. 2 after a two-year hiatus with new host Arnold Schwarzenegger.

MGM confirmed to Variety that Trump has retained his EP credit on the series. The president-elect’s status on the 15th season of the reality series that made him a household name has been a question since Trump launched his presidential campaign in June 2015. In the credit sequence, Trump’s name will air after that of “Apprentice” creator Mark Burnett and before Schwarzenegger, who is also an exec producer of the new incarnation along with Page Feldman and Eric Van Wagenen.

The larger issue for MGM, NBC, and the White House is the payment that Trump will receive for the series. It’s unclear what his per-episode fee is, but it is likely to be in the low five-figures, at minimum. NBC has ordered eight episodes of “The New Celebrity Apprentice.” Trump’s fees will be paid through MGM, the production entity on the show, not NBC. MGM declined to comment on the financial terms of Trump’s deal.

Trump spokeswoman Hope Hicks confirmed that Trump has maintained a financial interest in “Apprentice.”

So let me get this straight! NBC is going to have on its schedule a TV show whose production company is paying REAL MONEY to newly elected President Lügenorange.
Does anyone see a massive conflict of interest here?
MGM just opened a casino within public transit distance of Washington, D.C. MGM is putting money in the pocket of their most powerful employee, a lyingracistanti-Semiticxenophobichomophobicmisogynisticpedophile thief.
The new president has been bought off by a casino. Is he going to be a mumbling greeter at the entrance?
Welcome to Bizarro World.

We’re either living in Bizarro World or Oceania

bizarro_world_001In Bizarro World in the DC Universe, reality is reversed in every manner. So

— A lyingracistanti-Semiticxenophobichomophobicmisogynisticpedophile thief is considered qualified to run the most powerful country in the world. (Just click on every highlighted word in that sentence.)

— A president of the United States can win an election by getting 2.5 million fewer votes than his opponent.

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has garnered at least 65,527,625 votes in the 2016 presidential election, over 2.6 million more than the president-elect, who has received at least 62,851,436 votes, according to figures released Wednesday by The Cook Report, a nonpartisan election analysis organization.

Completely made up news is treated as reality.

The proliferation of fake and hyperpartisan news that has flooded into Americans’ laptops and living rooms has prompted a national soul-searching, with liberals across the country asking how a nation of millions could be marching to such a suspect drumbeat. But while some Americans may take the stories literally — like the North Carolina man who fired his gun in a Washington pizzeria on Sunday trying to investigate a false story spread online of a child-abuse ring led by Hillary Clinton — many do not.

baumhswBut in Oceania, where in the year “1984,” Big Brother is always watching through the telescreen, ministries perform the opposite function of what they’re named for. So:

— The proposed head of the Department of Labor wants to make it easier for businesses instead of workers.

On Thursday, Trump announced that he would nominate as his labor secretary Andrew Puzder, a fast-food executive who has opposed additional overtime pay for workers and expressed skepticism about increasing the minimum wage. That followed a pair of Twitter messages Wednesday evening in which Trump attacked an Indiana union leader who had criticized him, saying the official had done a “terrible job representing workers.”

— The proposed head of the Environmental Protection Agency is against protecting the environment:

President-elect Donald J. Trump has selected Scott Pruitt, the Oklahoma attorney general and a close ally of the fossil fuel industry, to run the Environmental Protection Agency, signaling Mr. Trump’s determination to dismantle President Obama’s efforts to counter climate change — and much of the E.P.A. itself.

Mr. Pruitt, a Republican, has been a key architect of the legal battle against Mr. Obama’s climate change policies, actions that fit with the president-elect’s comments during the campaign. Mr. Trump has criticized the established science of human-caused global warming as a hoax, vowed to “cancel” the Paris accord committing nearly every nation to taking action to fight climate change, and attacked Mr. Obama’s signature global warming policy, the Clean Power Plan, as a “war on coal.”

— The proposed head of the Department of Education wants to dismantle public education:

President-elect Donald Trump announced that he would nominate billionaire activist and Republican fundraiser Betsy DeVos as his education secretary.

Education historian Diane Ravitch believes that—if confirmed by the Senate—DeVos will become the most radical, anti-public-school education secretary since the Office of Education was established in 1867. “Never has anyone been appointed to lead in the past 150 years who was hostile to public education,” Ravitch told Mother Jones.

— The proposed head of the Department of Health and Human Services wants to eliminate the program that has provided healthcare to millions of previously uninsured Americans:

Donald Trump has chosen a prominent critic of Obamacare as his secretary of health and human services, casting fresh doubt over the future of the Affordable Care Act.

Last week, Price said that whatever Republicans do to replace Obama’s healthcare law will bear a “significant resemblance” to a 2015 measure that was vetoed by the president. That bill would have gutted some of the health care law’s main features: Medicaid expansion, subsidies to help middle-class Americans buy private policies, the tax penalties for individuals who refused to get coverage and several taxes to support coverage expansion. The bill would have delayed implementation for two years.

— And the proposed head of the Department of Housing and Urban Development isn’t interested in housing or urban development:

Donald Trump’s selection Monday of retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson to head the Department of Housing and Urban Development sets up what could be a collision between the nominee’s philosophical aversion to social safety-net programs and an agency that administers some of the government’s most expansive programs for helping minorities and low-income people.

Who knows? Maybe we’re living in both places, and the national slogan is:

War am peace.
Freedom am slavery.
Ignorance am strength.