Voices carry: Your accent reflects your vote

So I’m bopping around the Twitterverse and I see this poll:


A couple of observations.

Who the hell are the 2% of black people who are choosing the KKK’s poster boy?

Oh, right. I forgot about him.

Next: According to this, Hillary Clinton has majority support in the 18-40, 41-65 and 65+ age groups. Isn’t that, like, a majority of every age group that’s voting? Doesn’t that mean that when everyone turns out to vote, the result is going to be a certain Bubba named Bill going through the front door of the White House in January saying, “Daddy’s home!” (Read that quote and imagine Bubba’s accent. I laugh every time.)

Finally, the loud-mouthed New Yorker with Davy Crockett’s coonskin cap grafted on his skull has a 63-37 lead among people with strong southern accents. Let me see if I can communicate with them here:

Y’all out of your dagblasted minds?

Sorry, I can’t do it. This guy can:

Ha, ha! Melted-candle-assed motherfucker. Wish I’d thought of that!

The chemistry of cash


This pretty much applies to U.S. currency as well:

United States currency paper is composed of 75 percent cotton and 25 percent linen. This is what gives United States currency its distinct look and feel. For denominations of $5 and above, the security thread, and portrait or numberal watermarks are already built into the paper when it is received. For the $100 note, a 6mm wide 3-D security ribbon is woven into the paper.  Tilt the note back and forth while focusing on the blue ribbon.  You will see the bells change to 100s as they move.  When you tilt the note back and forth, the bells and 100s move side to side.  When you tilt it side to side, they move up and down.  This adds a highly advanced level of security to the note.

All bills, regardless of denomination, utilize green ink on the backs. Faces, on the other hand, use black ink, color-shifting ink in the lower right hand corner for the $10 denominations and higher, and metallic ink for the freedom icons on redesigned $10, $20, and $50 bills. The $100 note’s “bell in the inkwell” freedom icon uses color-shifting ink. These and the other inks appearing on U.S. currency are specially formulated and blended by the BEP. Inks headed for BEP presses also undergo continual quality testing.

So paper money really isn’t paper at all? It’s what they make shirts out of!

The ultimate GOP rewrite of history

I can’t believe the words coming out of Rudy Giuliani’s mouth:

What the hell did he just say? In the eight years “before Obama came along, we didn’t have any successful radical Islamic terrorist attack in the United States.” Am  I dreaming? Was he not the fucking mayor of New York City on Sept. 11, 2001?

This is Republican rhetoric at its purest form. The country today is a bleak hellscape because nothing bad happened until  Barack Obama became president.

Let’s go through the list of Republican “truths”:

  1. The economy was in great shape before Obama took office:

2. The stock market was running on all cylinders until Obama was elected:

3. The auto industry was booming and its jobs were secure until  Barack Obama screwed it up:

4. There were no natural disasters before Obama took office:

5. Obama doesn’t deserve any credit for capturing Osama bin Laden:

6. And now, there were no terrorist attacks on American soil before the Kenyan usurper with the fake birth certificate moved into the White House:

What the hell is wrong with Giuliani? What the hell is wrong with people in the GOP base who believe all these lies? Do they really think you can erase history just by saying the things that happened didn’t happen?

Obviously, they do.

And that’s why Republicans selected a habitually lying. moldy, worm-infested tangerine for their presidential candidate, and why deep in their reptilian brains they thrive on campaign rhetoric that reinforces their view that the Democratic opponent is a crooked, lying bitch.

Whatever happened to the truth?