Invasion of the Mooch

Bowzer of Sha Na Na (also known as The Mooch) holds court while dropping turds on the White House lawn.

The apricot soaked pussy grabber brought in an investment banking goon last week to take over his communications staff. As you know, Spicey quit.

But now all hell is breaking loose.

Here’s what Ryan Lizza of the New Yorker wrote today about the goon, who thinks it’s cool that people call him “The Mooch”:

[Anthony] Scaramucci’s first public appearance as communications director was a slick and conciliatory performance at the lectern in the White House briefing room last Friday. He suggested it was time for the White House to turn a page. But since then, he has become obsessed with leaks and threatened to fire staffers if he discovers that they have given unauthorized information to reporters. Michael Short, a White House press aide considered close to Priebus, resigned on Tuesday after Scaramucci publicly spoke about firing him. Meanwhile, several damaging stories about Scaramucci have appeared in the press, and he blamed Priebus for most of them. Now, he wanted to know whom I had been talking to about his dinner with the President. Scaramucci, who initiated the call, did not ask for the conversation to be off the record or on background.

“Is it an assistant to the President?” he asked. I again told him I couldn’t say. “O.K., I’m going to fire every one of them, and then you haven’t protected anybody, so the entire place will be fired over the next two weeks.”

I asked him why it was so important for the dinner to be kept a secret. Surely, I said, it would become public at some point. “I’ve asked people not to leak things for a period of time and give me a honeymoon period,” he said. “They won’t do it.” He was getting more and more worked up, and he eventually convinced himself that Priebus was my source.

“They’ll all be fired by me,” he said. “I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person who leaked that to you. Reince Priebus—if you want to leak something—he’ll be asked to resign very shortly.” The issue, he said, was that he believed Priebus had been worried about the dinner because he hadn’t been invited. “Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” Scaramucci said. He channelled Priebus as he spoke: “ ‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’ ” (Priebus did not respond to a request for comment.)

Scaramucci was particularly incensed by a Politico report about his financial-disclosure form, which he viewed as an illegal act of retaliation by Priebus. The reporter said Thursday morning that the document was publicly available and she had obtained it from the Export-Import Bank. Scaramucci didn’t know this at the time, and he insisted to me that Priebus had leaked the document, and that the act was “a felony.”

“I’ve called the F.B.I. and the Department of Justice,” he told me.

“Are you serious?” I asked.

“The swamp will not defeat him,” he said, breaking into the third person. “They’re trying to resist me, but it’s not going to work. I’ve done nothing wrong on my financial disclosures, so they’re going to have to go fuck themselves.”

Scaramucci also told me that, unlike other senior officials, he had no interest in media attention. “I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock,” he said, speaking of Trump’s chief strategist. “I’m not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the President. I’m here to serve the country.” (Bannon declined to comment.)

I really, REALLY want all of you pump truppets to burn that Steve Bannon image permanently in your head cavities, because you deserve to have that swirling through your empty skulls for the rest of your lives. You gave us this nightmare.

Beware of Osama bin Baby

From the Guardian:

A three-month old baby was summoned to the US embassy in London for an interview after his grandfather mistakenly identified him as a terrorist.

Harvey Kenyon-Cairns had been due to fly to Orlando in Florida for his first overseas holiday, until his grandfather Paul Kenyon made the error on a visa waiver form.

On the part of the Esta form which reads “Do you seek to engage in or have you ever engaged in terrorist activities, espionage, sabotage, or genocide?” Kenyon ticked yes instead of no.

He only learned of his error when his grandson’s travel was refused. “I couldn’t believe that they couldn’t see it was a genuine mistake and that a three-month-old baby would be no harm to anyone,” said the 62-year-old.

The baby was taken from his home in Poynton, Cheshire, to the embassy in Grosvenor Square, London, to be questioned by officials. The round trip took about 10 hours, longer than the nine-and-a-half-hour flight time from Manchester to Orlando.

Here’s the alleged terrorist and the grandpa who ratted him out:

One other small question. So a terrorist would answer “yes” to that question on the visa waiver form?

Stay away from the dark side

OK, a little deception there. This isn’t a post about Star Wars or “Rogue One.” It contains a link to a test at the Open Source Psychometrics Project that determines how you rank on machiavellianism (a manipulative attitude), narcissism (excessive self-love) and psychopathy (lack of empathy).

Here’s the link to the test.

This measures your “Dark Triad” of personality. According to the definitions:

Narcissism is an egotistical preoccupation with self. Because of all their experience with maintaining their self image, people who score high for narcissism will often appear charming but their narcissism will later lead to extreme difficulty in developing close relationships.

Machiavellianism is a tendency to be manipulative and deceitful. It usually stems from a lack of respect or disillusionment for others.

Psychopathy reflects shallow emotional responses. The relative lack of emotions leads results in high stress tolerance, low empathy, little guilt and leads them to seek extremely stimulating activities, resulting in impusivity and a disposition towards interpersonal conflict.

I took the test. I’m a good person. But after the past few weeks, I’m not so sure about a major portion of the population.

We’re either living in Bizarro World or Oceania

bizarro_world_001In Bizarro World in the DC Universe, reality is reversed in every manner. So

— A lyingracistanti-Semiticxenophobichomophobicmisogynisticpedophile thief is considered qualified to run the most powerful country in the world. (Just click on every highlighted word in that sentence.)

— A president of the United States can win an election by getting 2.5 million fewer votes than his opponent.

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has garnered at least 65,527,625 votes in the 2016 presidential election, over 2.6 million more than the president-elect, who has received at least 62,851,436 votes, according to figures released Wednesday by The Cook Report, a nonpartisan election analysis organization.

Completely made up news is treated as reality.

The proliferation of fake and hyperpartisan news that has flooded into Americans’ laptops and living rooms has prompted a national soul-searching, with liberals across the country asking how a nation of millions could be marching to such a suspect drumbeat. But while some Americans may take the stories literally — like the North Carolina man who fired his gun in a Washington pizzeria on Sunday trying to investigate a false story spread online of a child-abuse ring led by Hillary Clinton — many do not.

baumhswBut in Oceania, where in the year “1984,” Big Brother is always watching through the telescreen, ministries perform the opposite function of what they’re named for. So:

— The proposed head of the Department of Labor wants to make it easier for businesses instead of workers.

On Thursday, Trump announced that he would nominate as his labor secretary Andrew Puzder, a fast-food executive who has opposed additional overtime pay for workers and expressed skepticism about increasing the minimum wage. That followed a pair of Twitter messages Wednesday evening in which Trump attacked an Indiana union leader who had criticized him, saying the official had done a “terrible job representing workers.”

— The proposed head of the Environmental Protection Agency is against protecting the environment:

President-elect Donald J. Trump has selected Scott Pruitt, the Oklahoma attorney general and a close ally of the fossil fuel industry, to run the Environmental Protection Agency, signaling Mr. Trump’s determination to dismantle President Obama’s efforts to counter climate change — and much of the E.P.A. itself.

Mr. Pruitt, a Republican, has been a key architect of the legal battle against Mr. Obama’s climate change policies, actions that fit with the president-elect’s comments during the campaign. Mr. Trump has criticized the established science of human-caused global warming as a hoax, vowed to “cancel” the Paris accord committing nearly every nation to taking action to fight climate change, and attacked Mr. Obama’s signature global warming policy, the Clean Power Plan, as a “war on coal.”

— The proposed head of the Department of Education wants to dismantle public education:

President-elect Donald Trump announced that he would nominate billionaire activist and Republican fundraiser Betsy DeVos as his education secretary.

Education historian Diane Ravitch believes that—if confirmed by the Senate—DeVos will become the most radical, anti-public-school education secretary since the Office of Education was established in 1867. “Never has anyone been appointed to lead in the past 150 years who was hostile to public education,” Ravitch told Mother Jones.

— The proposed head of the Department of Health and Human Services wants to eliminate the program that has provided healthcare to millions of previously uninsured Americans:

Donald Trump has chosen a prominent critic of Obamacare as his secretary of health and human services, casting fresh doubt over the future of the Affordable Care Act.

Last week, Price said that whatever Republicans do to replace Obama’s healthcare law will bear a “significant resemblance” to a 2015 measure that was vetoed by the president. That bill would have gutted some of the health care law’s main features: Medicaid expansion, subsidies to help middle-class Americans buy private policies, the tax penalties for individuals who refused to get coverage and several taxes to support coverage expansion. The bill would have delayed implementation for two years.

— And the proposed head of the Department of Housing and Urban Development isn’t interested in housing or urban development:

Donald Trump’s selection Monday of retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson to head the Department of Housing and Urban Development sets up what could be a collision between the nominee’s philosophical aversion to social safety-net programs and an agency that administers some of the government’s most expansive programs for helping minorities and low-income people.

Who knows? Maybe we’re living in both places, and the national slogan is:

War am peace.
Freedom am slavery.
Ignorance am strength.

And in conclusion …

Also, consider this:

I give the Rude Pundit the last word before the votes are counted:

By now, we’ve all had discussions with relatives, friends, co-workers, Facebook fucknuts, all of whom have told us with the same glazed eyes or barely coherent comment threads that they want Trump to shake things up or some such nonsense, usually followed by how Hillary Clinton is a criminal, and if you try to point out that Clinton has never been charged with anything after all of the investigations of her while Trump has had to pay fines because he broke the law and has more lawsuits coming, they won’t care. They won’t care about the Russia ties. They won’t care about the FBI’s fuckery. They won’t care. You are a fool to talk to them about it anymore. They are lost in a shit-tide that they want to be a shit-wave that covers the entire nation in shit.

So my final words to them are this: You are wrong. Everything you believe is wrong. It isn’t just that it conflicts with my ideology. It’s that you are factually, demonstrably wrong, about Hillary Clinton, about Barack Obama, about Donald Trump, and your candidate consistently, flagrantly lies. He is utter shit. The fact that you don’t care about this makes you shit. You should be whipped out of the public sphere like vermin-infested dogs until you only occupy the hinterlands and can live in your compounds of shit.

And what can we expect when the votes are all in?

tmw2016-11-09color

The names of the 2016 election

Via John Oliver:

In the meantime, I’ve referred to the Republican presidential candidate as:

The sexual predatory pumpkin
The bogus billionaire blob
The billionaire hemorrhoid
The crimson dumpster fire
The GOP’s foot-in-mouth patient
The man with the hands of the Seven Dwarfs
The crimson doofus
The guy with the muppet on his head
The thin skinned kumquat
The cinnamon dipshit
The entitled orange beauty pageant peeper
The bloviated babyman
The ADHD poster boy
The fruit-fly infested withered tangerine
The tiny fingered girl groper
The ADHD pumpkin
The chinchilla coiffed megaturd
The dwarf fingered kitty grabber
The orange knuckledragger
The peeping Tom pedophile
The rotting Halloween Trumpkin
A vat of oozing puss
A rabid beige tribble
The Republican candidate for president of Dante’s Second Circle of Hell
The crimson harasser
The taupe groper
The taupe satyr
The billionaire used condom
Chester the Molester
A certain anthropromorphic pile of cow manure
This year’s Larry “Lonesome” Rhodes
The KKK’s poster boy
The loud-mouthed New Yorker with Davy Crockett’s coonskin cap grafted on his skull
An egomaniacal mass of maggot infested pumpkin innards
America’s favorite train wreck
Baron Harkonnen
Mr. Gag Reflex
The pagan egomaniac
Schrödinger’s liar
The festering boil on a rabid elephant’s ass
The faux billionaire turd muncher
The thrice married model for the Hairclub for Men
The red menace
The ochre weasel
The neon peacock
The suit filled with pumpkins
Everybody’s favorite huckster
237 pound ball of toupeed ear wax
The soulless yam
The human traffic cone
The nuck fugget
The pseudo psycho heartbreak of psoriasis
Mr. Make America Crap Again
The Trumpnugget
The ferret covered sweet potato
Mr. Tangerine man
A megalomaniacal yam
The reason why Melania has an “I’m with stupid” T-shirt
The mango tango combover
Mr. Marmalade
Scrooge McDuck’s nephew
Mr. Make America Hate Again
The skid mark in an IBS sufferers underwear
The  human urinal cake
A habitually lying. moldy, worm-infested tangerine
The Trumbicile
The sulfur sewage plant
Rosemary’s baby’s afterbirth
The cinnamon dipstick
The crimson-haired Joker
The pseudo-psychiatrist mucus-based tangerine life form
A rust-colored ball of gas posing as a human
Yosemite Sam’s anger management therapist
Elmer Fudd’s illegitimate nephew with Tourette syndrome
The GOP’s annoying orange
The tiny-fingered, faux billionaire tax avoider
The autofellating cinnamon Mussolini
The horny goat with an orangutan perm
The dictator with the disco beat

(Somewhere along the line, I might have also said some bad things about him.)

Others have referred to him as:

The flatulent butternut squash
A Dick-waving Berlusconi knockoff
A Melted-candle-assed motherfucker.
America’s wealthiest hemorrhoid
A disgusting neon pig
The Republican Party’s ill-fitting suit filled with chickens come home to roost
The mangled apricot hellbeast
A Touped fucktrumpet
A Cheetos-Faced ferret wearing shitgibbon
A Witless fucking cocksplat

But let’s be clear. The election is tomorrow. The name of the GOP candidate for president is Donald J. Trump. The “J” stands for Jagoff.

Remember that when you’re casting your vote.

Just for the record, Scott Walker is an idiot

Um, yes. That’s what I did.

Obviously, the Wisconsin governor who had his ass handed to him by the sexual predatory pumpkin during the GOP primaries, didn’t intend to get this reaction, but if you go to this Twitter entry and look at the comments, you’ll see that other responses went along the lines of, “I was going to vote for her, but we thank you for your endorsement.”

Once he realized he was looking dumber than Marco Rubio grabbing a glass of water, he tried to recover with additional posts promoting the alt-White Breitbart bullshit that makes Fox News look like PBS.

Moron.