Possible explanations? I vote for No. 3.

This is going to sound insane, but there was a time I thought scenario No. 3 was a legitimate possibility. I really did say to myself, “did someone turn on the Large Hadron Collider on Election Day.”

Because the only way this was possible was if there was a rip in the space-time continuum caused by the Collider, and I was shifted into an alternate universe. Somewhere in the quantum realm, Hillary Clinton is president, the kandy kolored klown is on Fox News spewing stupid shit, and the Republicans have begun impeachment hearings on stuff that they made up, but stuff that Spanky is actually doing in my current reality.

But then, I thought, I’ve been watching too much “Star Trek.”