How to deal with the tiny fingered girl groper’s ‘poll watchers’ and vote riggers

The fruit-fly infested withered tangerine, who Republicans say is the best they can offer as president of the United States, has created a narrative of a rigged election, because he knows a girl is going to kick his ass on Election Day. So he’s called on his stormtrooper minions to harass minorities at their poling places.

When you enter the world of reality, this means that a bunch of goons in open carry states are going to show up at polling areas they don’t belong in, brandishing guns and generally trying to scare people into staying away from the polls, the kind of stuff they do in dictatorships, because the tangerine want to be America’s dictator.

On Election Day (which is Nov. 8, although the moldy fruit told his followers it’s Nov. 28), if a semiautomatic toting Second Amendment fanatic shows up at your polling station, or anyone interferes with your right to vote, do this:


I don’t have to deal with this, because I’ve already voted. But if I was casting my vote on Election Day and saw a numb nut in a Trump T-shirt with an AR-15 at my polling station, I’d immediately call the police on the scumbag and say there’s a guy running around with a gun threatening people. And then, if the cops didn’t do anything, I’d call the feds.

Because people who threaten your right to vote should be thrown in jail. And anyone who tells his followers to intimidate voters should be thrown in jail with them.

Meanwhile, supporters of the ADHD pumpkin are actually trying to rig the election with crap like this:

One person involved in this attempt to rig the vote in the Keystone state is, as expected, a member of the GOP:

[O]ne Western Pennsylvania Republican official circulated an image claiming Pennsylvanians can vote online for Hillary Clinton.

The official, according to a screenshot of a Facebook post, is Murrysville City Councilman Joshua Lorenz. Lorenz, a Republican, was most recently elected in 2015 and his term runs through 2019. He also works for the Meyer Unkovic Scott law firm in Pittsburgh and is the vice president of the Murrysville City Council.

Here’s what the Trumpsucker posted:


He pretended to be outraged by an ad he knew was a lie, fully intending to deceive people into believing that they could vote from home. And this is a Republican elected official.

When Trump supporters talk about locking people up, they need to look in the mirror, because they’re the people committing the crimes.

Things you missed while focused on the taupe groper

OK, women who vote. You were appalled by the crimson harasser’s boasts of molestation yesterday, right? Just think about this. It wasn’t the worst thing he said this week!

OK, African Americans who vote. Pay attention to this:

A member of the “Central Park 5” who was wrongfully convicted in a horrific 1989 New York rape case blasted Donald Trump Friday after the GOP presidential nominee said he believes the group is still guilty.

“What more do we have to prove? I’m tired of proving our innocence! I don’t care what this a—— thinks @realDonaldTrump #centralpark5,” Raymond Santana Jr. tweeted.

Back in 1989,  a 28-year-old woman jogger in Central Park was raped, bludgeoned with a rock and was found hours later, tied up, stripped and suffering from hypothermia and brain damage.

Five juvenile males—four black and one Hispanic —were arrested and tried for assault, robbery, riot, rape, sexual abuse and attempted murder. They were convicted and sentenced to up to 15 years in prison. It was a huge case in New York.

But it turns out they had been coerced by the police into confessing, and were released after the actual rapist confessed to the crime and DNA evidence showed he was the only one involved. New York was sued by the five and paid out $41 million in damages to the unjustly convicted.

But the other day, the GOP presidential candidate, whose former wife accused him of raping her, went on CNN and said he’s still convinced the five are guilty of the crime they were cleared of.

“The police doing the original investigation say they were guilty.”

“The fact that that case was settled with so much evidence against them is outrageous,” Trump told CNN. “And the woman, so badly injured, will never be the same.”

But they weren’t guilty. The evidence proves it. The actual rapist confessed. The city paid them $41 million for the false arrest and conviction and jail time.

At the time of the attack, the taupe satyr, who was in the midst of having an affair with the woman who would be his second wife, took out an ad in a New York paper that contained these words:

“How can our great society tolerate the continued brutalization of its citizens by crazed misfits? Criminals must be told that their CIVIL LIBERTIES END WHEN AN ATTACK ON OUR SAFETY BEGINS!” And his headline suggested what ought to be done with them:


These are the words of a man who would have brought out a noose and led a lynch mob to the courthouse.

Honest to God! Are 40 million people really going to vote for this goon?

The creepy clown breakdown

Well, this came out of nowhere:

Turns out that people with a lot of face makeup and bizarre, billowy hair aren’t just frightening America from debate podiums.

Creepy clowns, the ones with squirting flowers — not flags — on their lapels, are becoming a scourge across the country.

From Virginia to Florida to Ohio, police are getting calls about threatening men dressed up as clowns luring children into the woods with money, running around with machetes, pipes, knives or even guns and generally scaring the bejesus out of everybody.

OK, weird, but is it really a national concern?

During a news conference, a Bloomberg reporter asked White House press secretary Josh Earnest if President Obama was aware of the clown reports and associated arrests. Earnest said he did not know if the president had been briefed on creepy clowns, and deferring to the FBI and Department of Homeland Security on the jester specifics.

What’s going on with this clown obsession? The clowns of my childhood weren’t scary. They were happy, like this guy:


Bozo the Clown


Did I completely miss that 50 years ago? In my mind, back then, if Bozo showed up in a van and offered candy to get in, I’d have gone for the candy. I mean, what if there was candy in the van?

I was cool with clowns until this guy showed up:


This is Pogo the Clown, better know as John Wayne Gacy. Back in the 1970s, he killed 33 teenage boys and young men in Illinois. One of his lures was “the handcuff trick.” You can figure out what that was, and that it wasn’t a good idea to let him do that to you. But we don’t have to worry about him anymore. He was executed in 1994.

By the time Stephen King released “It,” his killer clown story, in the mid-’80s, I realized that a lot of the greasepaint guys and gals were creepy.

Then clown porn came along the whole clown concept was over as far as I was concerned.

Anyway, King is telling us to relax:

But, really, why is everyone freaking out over clowns in 2016? What has happened on the national scene that has gotten people so upset they’re spotting dangerous clowns all over the country?


Now you understand. It’s Freudian, but it’s true.

Meanwhile, I’m reposting my favorite creepy clown video:

Now that’s a clown that’ll give you nightmares.

Voices carry: Your accent reflects your vote

So I’m bopping around the Twitterverse and I see this poll:


A couple of observations.

Who the hell are the 2% of black people who are choosing the KKK’s poster boy?

Oh, right. I forgot about him.

Next: According to this, Hillary Clinton has majority support in the 18-40, 41-65 and 65+ age groups. Isn’t that, like, a majority of every age group that’s voting? Doesn’t that mean that when everyone turns out to vote, the result is going to be a certain Bubba named Bill going through the front door of the White House in January saying, “Daddy’s home!” (Read that quote and imagine Bubba’s accent. I laugh every time.)

Finally, the loud-mouthed New Yorker with Davy Crockett’s coonskin cap grafted on his skull has a 63-37 lead among people with strong southern accents. Let me see if I can communicate with them here:

Y’all out of your dagblasted minds?

Sorry, I can’t do it. This guy can:

Ha, ha! Melted-candle-assed motherfucker. Wish I’d thought of that!

Guess who’s responsible for racism!

Do prominent Trump supporters not understand it’s a bad idea to talk to the British media?

Is this really in the Guardian?

Donald Trump’s campaign chair in a prominent Ohio county has claimed there was “no racism” during the 1960s and said black people who have not succeeded over the past half-century only have themselves to blame.

Kathy Miller, who is white and chair of the Republican nominee’s campaign in Mahoning County, made the remarks during a taped interview with the Guardian’s Anywhere but Washington series of election videos. …

Miller added: “I don’t think there was any racism until Obama got elected. We never had problems like this … Now, with the people with the guns, and shooting up neighborhoods, and not being responsible citizens, that’s a big change, and I think that’s the philosophy that Obama has perpetuated on America.”

Miller dismissed the suggestion that Trump was exploiting racist or prejudiced views among some voters as “the media making stuff up.” Instead, she said of the Republican nominee: “He’s very willing to talk about issues that have never been discussed publicly.”

When it was pointed out that some people might find her remarks offensive, Miller replied: “I don’t care, it’s the truth.”

Holy fuck! It’s the same thing the North Carolina congressman said. It’s a damned talking point for the Pump Truppets.

Don’t they realize that when they’re talking to people they don’t know, they’re supposed to use their inside voice? Because there’s no doubt they’ve been interviewed by their local media and they’ve said the exact same thing, but it wasn’t reported because “both sides!”

Oh, and Hillary! Only 50 percent are deplorable? You’re way off!

Follow the leader: GOP congressman goes into Trump mode

Since the GOP nominee for president constantly gets away with saying stupid shit, other members of the party see no reason to not say stupid shit. Case in point:

A United States representative from North Carolina said in a television interview on Thursday that protesters in Charlotte “hate white people because white people are successful and they’re not,” and then hours later recanted and apologized.

The representative, Robert Pittenger, a Republican whose district includes parts of Charlotte, was interviewed on a British Broadcasting Corporation show, BBC Newsnight, when he made the comment.

And, of course, he gave a non-apology apology:

So, when you translate this, he’s saying, “Maybe I offended someone, so I’ll apologize to that person. But I know the people who voted me into office feel the same way I do, so they don’t need an apology.”

He doesn’t care about peace and calm. He just wants Charlotte’s non-whites to shut up.

And because his constituents are most likely further to the right than he is, he’s going to be reelected in November.

Let’s take a look at his BBC comment:

So he quotes Martin Luther King, then he plays the government puts blacks in bondage through welfare, and police shootings are no reason to protest.

Since TV people in the U.S. are incompetent and would have let him get away with this, as Matt Lauer proved in the “Commander-in-Chief Forum,” as Chris Wallace proved when he said his job isn’t to fact check someone who lies to him and as Chuck Todd proves every Sunday on “Meet the Press,” we should have the BBC interview American politicians. At least they don’t back down.