Oh, god. This can’t be happening. I thought Sarah Palin was gone for good. You know, eaten by a Mama Grizzly off the tip of Alaska where you could see Russia from your kitchen window.
And to top it off, as Sarah was gearing up for the big endorsement, one of the baby Palins was off in Alaska doing something uncool. Yeah, the page in the New York Daily News is real and the bottom headline on the Daily News page is about her Iraq War vet son. Knowing Palin, I’m sure there’s someone to blame that isn’t his parent (from the Washington Times):
Sarah Palin claimed Wednesday that her son, a 26-year-old Iraq veteran who was arrested this week on domestic violence charges, was “hardened” by war and blamed President Obama for failing America’s veterans.
Track Palin was arrested Monday night following a dispute with a girlfriend at the Wasilla home he shares with his parents. He was arraigned on Tuesday, the same day the 2008 Republican vice-presidential nominee endorsed Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump.
Oh, for fuck’s sake. (I’m sorry, I’m now at the point where I find myself saying this every day.) Of course, I could stop turning into a nihilist and look at this in another way:
But I mean, really, Just when you think we’ve hit every possible level of cosmic absurdity, we end up with Palin and Trump. Together. On stage. Live. I put myself through the torture of watching that non sequitur spectacular. I won’t impost that on you. But Stephen Colbert captures what happened perfectly:
Let’s just throw in all the chips here. The GOP should nominate Donald for president. And he should pick Sarah for vice president. Because in this Dadaist nightmare we call the primary season, that’s the only way this can end.