Fox News makes babies cry

Brian Kilmeade, one of the co-hosts of “Fox and Friends,” is an idiot:

Baby Titus was on a roll, sinking shots like Luke Hancock in the NCAA finals. Then the brainless wonderboy of Fox News decides, “Hey, baby. Catch this.”

Baby’s not there to catch. Baby’s like Kobe Bryan. He’s there to shoot.

Dude, the kid’s 2-years-old. There’s this issue of hand-eye coordination. Notice that when dad has the ball, he puts it in the kid’s hands. But Kilmeade, the first time he touches the ball, figures a pass is in order because, hell, otherwise he’d have to take two steps to hand the kid the ball.

Think I’m overreacting? Check this out:

After returning from commercial break, Kilmeade asked: “Do you really feel that I was at fault there or should have Titus had his hands up?”

Hit Girl, what do you think?

And this is why Fox News is racist

Roger Ailes, the head of Fox News, said this in a Vanity Fair interview:

Obama’s the one who never worked a day in his life. He never earned a penny that wasn’t public money. How many fund-raisers does he attend every week? How often does he play basketball and golf? I wish I had that kind of time. He’s lazy, but the media won’t report that.”

So let’s break this down with starting with the obvious point that Obama is black.

1) Obama’s the one who never worked a day in his life.: Unemployed black man.

2) He never earned a penny that wasn’t public money. How many fund-raisers does he attend every week?: Public money = welfare = Obama is an unemployed black man on welfare.

3) How often does he play basketball and golf? I wish I had that kind of time.: Obama is an unemployed black man on welfare who plays basketball.

4) He’s lazy, but the media won’t report that. Obama is a lazy unemployed black man on welfare who plays basketball.

The only words we’re missing here to make it full Klansman is “shiftless,” “watermelon” and “he lives in public housing.”

This is the message the head of Fox News wants to put out to the public every day. … Wait … stratch that. … This IS the message his network puts out to the public every day.

And this is why I get pissed off every time I sit in any public waiting room (a doctor’s office, a car dealership, a hotel lobby, an airplane terminal) and see the television set tuned to Fox News. Whenever I can, I go up to the set and change the channel to the Cartoon Network. At least then I’ll discover something worth knowing.

(Oh, yeah. And Roger Ailes is fat.)

Roger-Ailes-Jabba-The-Hut

Fleecing the rubes

Why are Republicans out of touch?

Don’t ask me. Ask George W. Bush’s former speechwriter:

So, in the vernacular of the America of yesteryear, the “conservative entertainment complex” is fleecing the rubes. It isn’t about informing your listeners and viewers. It’s about taking lies and marketing them as “fair and balanced” to gain ratings and draw advertising dollars.

One thing to note on the past election. The rubes included right-wing billionaires:

Karl Rove boasted on the eve of Tuesday’s election that all signs pointed towards an electoral college landslide. He was right about the result, just wrong about the candidate. And now it’s up to Rove to explain to donors why, after blowing through $300 million of their money, President Obama is still President Obama and Harry Reid still runs the Senate.

Judging by Rove’s election night tantrum on Fox News, this was not a situation he was well prepared for. In a surreal stretch of television, he refused to believe the network’s call of Ohio, lashed out at producers for making it, then spouted a blizzard of county by county statistics to justify his increasingly untenable case.

“Is this just math that you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better?” Fox host Megyn Kelly asked at one point, “Or is this real?” Given Rove’s prior history on election predictions, it was a logical question.

OK, he may have received $300 million from the billionaires, but someone should do the math to see how much really went to campaign messaging and how much ended up in the pockets of Rove & Co. But based on the election, members of the GOP aren’t that good at doing the math. And based on whom the “conservative entertainment complex” hires as entertainers, math is the last thing on their minds.

Hey what do I know. Ask a billionaire:

At least one highly visible Republican mega-donor is wondering whether his money was spent the way he wanted it to be. The problem, retired mutual fund executive Foster Freiss told The Los Angeles Times for an article published Thursday, has to do with transparency.

“You have no idea of the financial structuring of a lot of these outside groups in terms of how much went to the actual delivery of a message,” Friess said, “versus how many dollars were taken off as fees to the people running them.”

Friess funded Rick Santorum‘s campaign during the primaries, but that’s not how he achieved rube status. This is what places him in the pantheon of total rubeoscity:

Fox News quotes Obama (incorrectly of course)

The problem here is that some newspaper people are actually watching Fox News:

The Washington Post has corrected its article that included an apparently fabricated quote by President Obama.

The initial version of the article quoted Obama as saying, “unlike some people, I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth.” TPM reported earlier today that the first three words were not spoken by Obama – they were apparently concocted by Steve Doocy of Fox News, who portrayed the remark as a jab against Mitt Romney. Those three words have been removed from the Post article.

The updated Post article includes this note at the top: “An earlier version of this post incorrectly quoted President Obama’s reference to not being born with a silver spoon in his mouth. This version has been corrected.”

When you quote an idiot, you end up looking like an idiot.

She reports, you decide

A preview of Fox News’s latest conspiracy theory:

Her premise is that the threat came because the Clinton’s had proof his birth certificate was fake. Because, you know, when it comes from a Fox News anchor, it must be true. Heather Childers is what they call a “straight news” anchor over there.

(Via Media Matters. Slogan: They watch so you don’t have to)

The insanity plea and political awareness

If I was a Tea Party supporter, my head would explode:

Speaking on Friday to Fox News’ Judge Napolitano, Beck had some harsh words for the tea partiers who are now apparently rallying to the former House Speaker’s side in the wake of Herman Cain’s implosion.

“I issue a challenge to the tea party members,” Beck said. “You look at his record, you read his words… see what he believes.” If they do, he claimed, they would see “this man is a progressive, he knows he is a progressive.” His conclusion seemed to startle even Napolitano:

“So if you’ve got a big government progressive or a big government progressive in Obama, one in Newt Gingrich, one in Obama, ask yourself this Tea Party: Is it about Obama’s race? Because that’s what it appears to be to me. If you’re against him but you’re for this guy, it must be about race. It’s the policies that matter.”

Glenn Beck, the founding father of tea baggery, is raising the question of whether tea baggers are racist? Glenn Beck? The guy who said Obama hates white people? Glenn Beck? The guy who said Obama was building concentration camps?

What planet is this coming from?

A few weeks ago, David Frum, the former speechwriter for George Bush the Dumber (remember him?), wrote a column in New York Magazine asking “When Did the GOP Lose Touch With Reality?”

Plenty of people were saying that it lost touch when David Frum was writing speeches for Bush II. But no one was listening then because the people who were saying that the right was insane were people on the left. Since the right had created an alternate reality, anything said by the left was treated as insanity or treason in the “mainstream,” while everything said by the right was treated as gospel. But the left was dealing with reality.

So now, Beck says tea baggers are racists and Frum says the GOP is insane. And we’re supposed to smack our foreheads and say, “Of course! That explains everything!”

We’re deep into a presidential selection that includes a gay-hating, history-mangler from Minnesota; a flip-flopping, wealthy weasel from Massachusetts; a man-on-dog obsessive from Pennsylvania; a pizza selling, Pokemon quoting, sexual harassing Georgian; a Texan who can’t count to three (or nine) without going into brain freeze, and an ego-maniacal serial adulterer from Georgia.

So now, the folks on the right are saying, “Hey, maybe the people I’ve surrounded myself with are loons, and they want to put one of these guys in the White House?”

Maybe there is a glimmer of sanity breaking through: A new Fox News poll says most voters think Obama will win the 2012 election. But here’s how insane that is: This is coming from Fox News.

Frank Luntz’s right wing talking points

You have to give the Republicans credit. When they realize they’re losing the battle of words, they change the words and issue a memo to their mouthpieces. Frank Luntz is their Orwellian thesaurus. Here’s the spinmaster’s rewriting of the Republican jargon to deal with issued raised by Occupy Wall Street, so you should be hearing it now on Fox News or whenever you hear a representative of the GOP speaking (from Yahoo News):

1. Don’t say “capitalism.”

“I’m trying to get that word removed and we’re replacing it with either ‘economic freedom’ or ‘free market,’ ” Luntz said. “The public . . . still prefers capitalism to socialism, but they think capitalism is immoral. And if we’re seen as defenders of quote, Wall Street, end quote, we’ve got a problem.”

2. Don’t say that the government “taxes the rich.” Instead, tell them that the government “takes from the rich.”

“If you talk about raising taxes on the rich,” the public responds favorably, Luntz cautioned. But “if you talk about government taking the money from hardworking Americans, the public says no. Taxing, the public will say yes.”

3. Republicans should forget about winning the battle over the “middle class.” Call them “hardworking taxpayers.”

“They cannot win if the fight is on hardworking taxpayers. We can say we defend the ‘middle class’ and the public will say, I’m not sure about that. But defending ‘hardworking taxpayers’ and Republicans have the advantage.”

4. Don’t talk about “jobs.” Talk about “careers.”

“Everyone in this room talks about ‘jobs,'” Luntz said. “Watch this.”

He then asked everyone to raise their hand if they want a “job.” Few hands went up. Then he asked who wants a “career.” Almost every hand was raised.

“So why are we talking about jobs?”

5. Don’t say “government spending.” Call it “waste.”

“It’s not about ‘government spending.’ It’s about ‘waste.’ That’s what makes people angry.”

6. Don’t ever say you’re willing to “compromise.”

“If you talk about ‘compromise,’ they’ll say you’re selling out. Your side doesn’t want you to ‘compromise.’ What you use in that to replace it with is ‘cooperation.’ It means the same thing. But cooperation means you stick to your principles but still get the job done. Compromise says that you’re selling out those principles.”

7. The three most important words you can say to an Occupier: “I get it.”

“First off, here are three words for you all: ‘I get it.’ . . . ‘I get that you’re angry. I get that you’ve seen inequality. I get that you want to fix the system.”

Then, he instructed, offer Republican solutions to the problem.

8. Out: “Entrepreneur.” In: “Job creator.”

Use the phrases “small business owners” and “job creators” instead of “entrepreneurs” and “innovators.”

9. Don’t ever ask anyone to “sacrifice.”

“There isn’t an American today in November of 2011 who doesn’t think they’ve already sacrificed. If you tell them you want them to ‘sacrifice,’ they’re going to be be pretty angry at you. You talk about how ‘we’re all in this together.’ We either succeed together or we fail together.”

10. Always blame Washington.

Tell them, “You shouldn’t be occupying Wall Street, you should be occupying Washington. You should occupy the White House because it’s the policies over the past few years that have created this problem.”

BONUS:

Don’t say “bonus!”

Luntz advised that if they give their employees an income boost during the holiday season, they should never refer to it as a “bonus.”

“If you give out a bonus at a time of financial hardship, you’re going to make people angry. It’s ‘pay for performance.'”

OK, so how can we use some of these tips in a GOP talking point.

Let’s say you hear Newt Gingrich say something like: “Job creators in our free market system want to offer young Americans careers. But if Washington take money from the rich and waste it, who’s to stop it from later taking money from hard working taxpayers.”

Now, I’ve used seven Luntz tips in this statement, so the translation is: “Entrepreneurs in the capitalist system want children to work. But if Washington taxes the rich to make sure there’s adequate government spending, who’s to stop it from taxing the middle class?”

The speaker will conveniently not mention that government spending is more likely to benefit the middle class than the rich, because the rich can already pay for everything they need and don’t care about programs that benefit the general public. But beyond that, the damage is done. The concept of child labor is obfuscated in Luntz jargon.